Long time no see, or no talk? Either, or works I suppose. I am still trying to figure out how to write with knowing that someone will be reading my words, as writing always been something that I kept fairly private. (So bear with me here, plz and thnx!) I wanted to write some thoughts before I get into posting different topics, so here we go.
I guess I will take it back to when I originally started this blog, Now And Then With Jen. It was the summer of 2016 and I got very inspired by many bloggers on WordPress and Instagram. I loved that they felt so free and open to share their different passions. As a fairly introverted person with many different types interests, seeing them be so vulnerable really helped me step outside of the box that I was mentally stuck in. I connected with these people in a way that I never knew was possible. And by this I mean, on the internet connecting with like-minded people through a screen. (I mean really, how weird is that when you think about it. Yet it is totally the norm in this day and age- hi!!)
I originally wanted to create this outlet to share passions and interests of mine including fashion, music, traveling, food, experiences, etc. I did maybe about 8 different posts total within a span of 5 months, and then stopped. I couldn’t quite figure out how or what to write, because internally I was going through a lot that I didn’t understand how to deal with at the time. Looking back, I know this is because I didn’t fully know or love myself. So although writing about styling my new favorite sweater made me feel happy and that maybe someone could pull some inspiration from that post (um, because I freaking loved that sweater), it also felt extremely shallow (because, um, I was writing about a sweater while internally feeling like I didn’t know myself.)
Then in early 2017 I moved to Los Angeles. And everything changed. The entertainment capital of the world, and I was just barely trying to start up my personal blog. I felt small, confused, and imposter syndrome was at an all-time high. Although I wanted to keep up with writing and sharing my passions, I could cut my self-doubt with a knife.
Common thoughts of mine during this time: who TF do I think I am starting a blog and sharing things that I’m not even an expert at? People will go somewhere else and find experts.
In other words: I closed my laptop and did not dare to write a word on my blog for upwards of a year.
Looking back from early 2017 to now, this chunk of time has been such an incredibly painful yet rewarding time in my life where I have learned so much about myself and the world, where I feel comfortable to simply be myself. I am starting up this blog again because I reflected on the main reason/passion why I ever wanted to create one in the first place – to help someone in the ways that I know how: through sharing, connecting, and loving. Even if that is one person, whoever that may be and however that may be. (From favorite sweater posts, serious talks about social media, incredible make up products to cover-up skin imperfections, and to silly stories of mine – we got it all, baby.)
What I have learned is that we are always changing, and that is where great progress and learning can come about. And sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself again. And if it happens more than once, guess what? That’s okay. No one wakes up with all of the answers, that’s what experiencing life is for!
Life is heavy. It’s messy. It’s scary. It’s so god damn sad that you feel lost. And recently there has been so many devastating situations happening, that make you feel hopeless. But the thing is – it is not only that. It is simultaneously beautiful, caring, loving, colorful, abundant and joyful. And THAT is life. Life is a cocktail of chaos with ingredients of the good, the bad, and everything in between.
In the midst of all of the chaos happening in this world recently, I choose love. I choose hope. I choose niceness. I choose strength. I chose vulnerability. I choose connection. And I choose happiness. And to whoever is reading this, whoever you are, whatever you are going through, I hope that if there is anything that you pull from this.. I hope that you remember just how special you are, how loved you are, and that it is more than okay to be a work in progress.
Be kind to yourself. And like Ellen Degeneres says, be kind to one another.
xo,
Jen
Now And Then With Jen 