A year that we needed

Now I didn’t say that this was the year that we WANTED, let’s get that very clear (major LOL as I type this.)

I was making dinner the other night reflecting on this year and found myself in disbelief that it is already the end of September and seasonly we are in fall. (Though in Los Angeles we are going through yet another heat wave so sweater weather is way out of question for now.) I was chopping vegetables, actively reminding myself that, hey, it’s GOOD to eat healthy food and it’s totally OKAY to fall off your normal food intake sometimes. (I was going to use the word diet but I am not one to really use that word due to the stigma around it, so for a lack of words, I am saying “normal food intake,’ lol.) And what I mean by “fall off” is when you find yourself just not feeling yourself. And that maybe bad habits get formed or habits simply just change. It happens. And food was just an example that first hit my mind this night because I was finally eating a vegetable after a few days of eating garbage food (which, hey, sometimes you gotta just let yourself live and eat whatever the fuck you want. And if that’s a coping mechanism for you, self awareness is key my dudes.)

But in reality, this type of “fall off” situation happens on and off in so many different areas of our lives. And that was what I was really reflecting on this night. I was in awe of how much change has happened in these 9 months of 2020. Personally and globally. I swear on NYE I thought this year was going to be the shit and that I was going to totally crush it. Afterall, I had been doing some serious self discovery work and was on a self love journey. And to be completely honest, this year has felt anything but “the shit.”

I am one who can tend to spiral down into negative thoughts if I don’t catch myself, so right here is where I then realized that sometimes what we think we want is not actually what we need. And sometimes the universe does such a crazy job at rearranging our lives to then show us to the other side of the unknown. I know SO much has changed this year and yes, many, many, bad and unthinkable things have been happening this year, but at the same time, these painful things have really brought light in ways that have been so, so needed.

And so, maybe this year is actually what we all needed. To heal. To take care. To grow. To become more aware. To learn. To listen. To love. To change. To be better. To take big step back. To TRY. To be kicked down just to climb back up. And then kicked down and then to climb back up again, and again, and again..

Choosing to try again doesn’t mean that you have failed in the past, and it certainly does not mean that the next step is always going to be easy.. But if it it means something to you, brings value to your life, and is worth having.. it will be worth it.