Self Discovery – Now And Then With Jen

How Working Retail Shaped Me

If my 16 year old self saw me writing this, I am positive that she would be throwing a fit.

I remember hearing someone say a while back, “every person should experience working in retail .” And although off the bat, this is quite a general statement, I couldn’t agree more. Let me break down what working in retail as taught me and how I still utilize it all till this day, 6 years later.

My first ever job was part time as an associate at Banana Republic Factory Outlet at age 16 and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I loved clothing, fashion, and putting outfits together. (Oh and having a hefty 40% off employee discount was icing on the cake.) I later worked for Francesca’s Boutique, the Fragrance Outlet and then a small women’s clothing boutique. It’s interesting that while I worked at all of those different places at a fairly young age, each place taught me so much and were stepping stones to where I am now – working for an LA based women’s clothing brand as the e-commerce manager. Total surreal full circle moment, my 16 year old self would be jumping up and down with joy!

So that is my background and where I am now, but how did working retail shape me to who I am today? Well, simply put, it threw me into the “real world,” real fast. As a teenager who was growing up in a small town, working in retail placed me into an environment that was a constant with a physical space but with an ever-changing customer. So I was constantly faced with the challenge of working with new people and personalities every single day. And as someone who is fairly reserved and introverted – this is a huge gift to have now! From being able to diffuse an intense situation with an angry customer, to seeing how the power of kindness or a simple smile could change the energy/aura of someone, and everything in between. Furthermore while working in customer service, these jobs have simply taught me the importance and gift of serving others. Yes, they were jobs to provide some income (and don’t get me wrong – I didn’t love them all the time) but they really did provide me the ability to collaborate with inquiring customers. And truly one of the best feelings is being able to help someone.

On the more silly side of things, another way that retail shaped me is by exposing my tidiness tendency. When you walk into a store, of course you want things or be organized and esthetically pleasing! And part of my jobs was to keep everything tidy – and if I didn’t already know that about myself at age 16, well, I learned real quick. Banana Republic’s folding clothing guide was no joke and till this day, the clothing in my closet is still folded accordingly! Call me crazy, but I love a clean room and tidy closet.

And lastly to wrap this all up, working in retail provided me experiences to learn more about myself. It was quite the journey, and I can’t say that I will ever go back necessarily, but I am so glad that I had those experiences. Those experiences taught me what I liked/disliked, who I wanted to be/didn’t want to be, what I wanted/didn’t want in a future work environment/situation. This all transpired within 5 years of learning and growing and it reminds me of exactly that – that we are ever-changing and evolving. So if you are a young person and are unsure of the direction to take, please know that everything you are doing now is a stepping stone, and that working retail can teach you really valuable lessons to carry with you. Like, ya know, folding shirts. Just kidding, kind of. 🙂

So to whoever mentioned that everyone should work retail, for these reasons above, I conquer.

A year that we needed

Now I didn’t say that this was the year that we WANTED, let’s get that very clear (major LOL as I type this.)

I was making dinner the other night reflecting on this year and found myself in disbelief that it is already the end of September and seasonly we are in fall. (Though in Los Angeles we are going through yet another heat wave so sweater weather is way out of question for now.) I was chopping vegetables, actively reminding myself that, hey, it’s GOOD to eat healthy food and it’s totally OKAY to fall off your normal food intake sometimes. (I was going to use the word diet but I am not one to really use that word due to the stigma around it, so for a lack of words, I am saying “normal food intake,’ lol.) And what I mean by “fall off” is when you find yourself just not feeling yourself. And that maybe bad habits get formed or habits simply just change. It happens. And food was just an example that first hit my mind this night because I was finally eating a vegetable after a few days of eating garbage food (which, hey, sometimes you gotta just let yourself live and eat whatever the fuck you want. And if that’s a coping mechanism for you, self awareness is key my dudes.)

But in reality, this type of “fall off” situation happens on and off in so many different areas of our lives. And that was what I was really reflecting on this night. I was in awe of how much change has happened in these 9 months of 2020. Personally and globally. I swear on NYE I thought this year was going to be the shit and that I was going to totally crush it. Afterall, I had been doing some serious self discovery work and was on a self love journey. And to be completely honest, this year has felt anything but “the shit.”

I am one who can tend to spiral down into negative thoughts if I don’t catch myself, so right here is where I then realized that sometimes what we think we want is not actually what we need. And sometimes the universe does such a crazy job at rearranging our lives to then show us to the other side of the unknown. I know SO much has changed this year and yes, many, many, bad and unthinkable things have been happening this year, but at the same time, these painful things have really brought light in ways that have been so, so needed.

And so, maybe this year is actually what we all needed. To heal. To take care. To grow. To become more aware. To learn. To listen. To love. To change. To be better. To take big step back. To TRY. To be kicked down just to climb back up. And then kicked down and then to climb back up again, and again, and again..

Choosing to try again doesn’t mean that you have failed in the past, and it certainly does not mean that the next step is always going to be easy.. But if it it means something to you, brings value to your life, and is worth having.. it will be worth it.

Finding clarity during times of uncertainty

Recently with all of the changes happening in our world from the global pandemic, Black Lives Matter movement, human rights movement, mental health, unemployment rate, shifts in corporate America and the educational systems, to exposure of child and human trafficking.. Everything has been feeling very heavy for many of us, to say the least. We are experiencing a time that will be marked as history that many of us did not “see” coming, grieving what we thought the year of 2020 would be, all while trying to navigate this new world that we have stepped into. Now that we are here, change continues to happen every day right before our eyes collectively in a global level and in turn, a personal level. While this change occurs, we remind ourselves that there is great clarity that can be found within those uncertain times, no matter how challenging they may be.

Through all of these grand scale changes in this world in 2020, many emotions have been heightened, exchanged, and embraced. As an empath (and sensitive Aquarius sun sign, I may add!) I have always felt emotions of my own as well as others very strongly. So for me personally, this year has felt very heavy with emotions. I noticed as I shared my emotions with my close relationships, many of them have been feeling similar with how they felt in relation to the world changes as well as changes in their personal lives. The similarity being: the uncertainty that arrises when change occurs tends to release many emotions. And with heightened emotions, it can feel a bit foggy to then find the clarity that we need to fuel and navigate through the change.

(On a bit of a side note, if you are not familiar with the term empath, I would love to introduce it to you, as maybe you resonate with the term/characteristic or know someone in your life who may. An empath is commonly referred to as someone who is highly attuned to other people’s emotions, good and bad. So whether you call it energy, vibes, emotions, etc, these are all forms/terms of feelings that we as humans all emit and that empaths are very sensitive to. Though at times it may seem like a burden to feel such extremities, it is quite a gift to feel so deeply and naturally.)

So while I observe these situations enfolding on a grand scale that feel very uncertain, it reminds me of ways that in our personal lives we can also search for clarity. When we find ourselves at the cross roads throughout life, sometimes it is uncertainty itself that acts as a catalyst to growth that is knocking at our door.

Finding Clarity within Uncertainty:

Go within – ask yourself questions that maybe you have been avoiding and in turn has held you back from the clarity you need. Many times the answers within are on the other side of the discomfort that we hold from avoidance.
Find the light and shadow of the situation – (positive and negative, yin and yang, pros and cons, etc)
Honor that full truth
Shared wisdom from others – ask trusted friends/family members from an outside, unbiased perspective. Collaborative wisdom can be such a valuable tool to gain clarity
Search for growth or change
Align with the growth that you want – Put into action and create the plans that act towards the growth that you want to see and that you want to embody. All change starts from within afterall.

And with that I would like to leave you with a quote by Mandy Hale that I so dearly love and inspired me to write this post.

“Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.” ~Mandy Hale.

Be well, take care of yourself, treat others with kindness, and keep an open heart.

Jen

23 Things I Learned At 23

As I completed another year around the sun, I feel very nostalgic looking back on the year of 23 and all that it encompassed. From the lessons, mistakes, opportunities, growth, great times, bad times, and everything in between. For me 23 was a very special year for me in terms of self-growth, so I have a very heavy heart saying goodbye to it. Through this growth I feel more myself that I have ever felt while simultaneously feeling so confused! I guess this may be how many of us early-twenty-something’s feel going through this interesting phase of life.

As a way of honoring 23, I wrote down 23 things that I have learned this past year. I had so much fun reflecting on all that this year has brought to me in terms of lessons! These lessons are reminders of what I went through then to now have these lessons as I step into 24.

So here is to 24, another year, and a beautiful life! If you resonated with one of these lessons, drop a comment below. I would love to hear about it!

Doing little things that will add up to the bigger picture tends to be more helpful that focusing on the bigger picture and getting overwhelmed
Self-care comes in many, many different forms
Investing in a good dry shampoo will change your god damn life
Investing in good skincare will ALSO change your god damn life and your skin, too
The relationship that you have with yourself will set the blueprints for the relationships that you have with others
Love is all around you, whether you can see it or not all depends on what you choose to focus on
Life will slap you in the face with the same situation until you learn the lesson (yikes, SO true)
Sex is awesome and shouldn’t be this whole taboo topic
Families comes in all different shapes and forms, and family can be non-blood related
Being adventurous in the place you call home opens up a new form of love towards that place
There is SO much that we can learn from nature and animals
How you see yourself is WAY more important that how others view you
Getting your nails done is a beautiful way to
It’s okay to have questioned your faith and take time to reconnect to God in a way that is most genuine to you
Taking social media detoxes is very helpful to reconnect back to your reality, purpose, and overall how you spend your time
It is never too late to try and start something new
Honesty is the best policy – but like, for real!
Stop! Eating! Shit! Your! Body! Doesn’t! Like!
Changing habits changes the way you live your life, and it’s easier said than done but it is SO worth it
Getting to know your sense of expression/creativity through fashion is so much fun! (And fast fashion can take a hike)
The world is here for you, and you are never alone
You don’t always have to be liked
Lastly – you are exactly where you are meant to be in this moment in time.

Thank you for reading!

Xo, Jen

Embracing Your Creative Side

– Tips on finding your own creative niche (or niches) and tapping into your passions. –

For so long I actually convinced myself that I was not a creative person. I did not see my creative side for so long, therefore I did not think it existed. But what I was actually doing was viewing the ways that other people were being creative, tried to fit inside their box of creativity, and ultimately realized that I did not resonate with it. Therefore, my conclusion was that I was not a creative person and will never be.

(Creative examples being: creation through make up, DIY projects, fashion design, film, hair styling, creating music, acting, just to name a few.)

Looking back during this time in my life, I can’t believe how harsh I was on myself! I put so much pressure on myself to fit myself in other people’s creative boxes without even giving myself the chance to branch out and find my own. In retrospect, I am grateful to have went through that harsh moment in life to then come out on the other side and find things that truly inspire me to be my creative self for myself first and to continue to explore my creative side.

I believe that we are all creative creatures here on this Earth, somehow and someway. Whether you have a career that directly involves creation or you simply find the joy in certain hobbies, by embracing our creative niche and allowing our passions to shine bright, we can step into who we really are.

Exploring Your Passions

This is a great place to start tapping into your creative side. When we feel our most passionate and inspired, creativity simply flows out of us. So, questions that I like to ask myself in these moments are: What brings me the most joy? When do I feel my best self? What makes me feel inspired? And this can be anything! Who’s to say that it can’t? One thing that I think many of us get twisted is trying to focus on one thing and extravagantly excel at it. Which, yes I do agree with to some extent, but I also believe that us humans are multifaceted beings. And by putting ourselves in boxes, we are limiting our explorations, our passions, and ultimately our creativity. There are endless options to be explored and uncovered, why not try it out?

Have Some Big-Kid Fun

Another way to explore your creative side is to think back to when you were younger. Was there something that you did that brought you so much joy – simply because? Or something that was so fun for you, and you feel a bit of a void now that it is not in your life?

My personal example would be: writing (surprise!) Growing up I used to journal every single day, just because. I remember seeing a girl do it in a movie when I was younger, and I thought, “hey, I want to try it!” Every time I cracked open my journal to write, it just felt good. Additionally, I used to write song lyrics, short stories, and even cheers/chants for the cheer team I was a part of. In these moments, I was so inspired and did these things simply because I wanted to and that it was fun for me. I never knew that that little girl Jenny was up to something creative, but now as a ‘grown up,’ it all just make sense to me.

Taking an activity that you did when you were younger and translating it into a big-kid-kind-of-fun can be so freeing when it comes to your creative side.

Try New Things

Have you ever come home after a day of going someplace new that really inspired you and you just felt good? Well, I believe that there is so much power behind that feeling and ultimately behind trying new things in general! With saying that, I think it is important to highlight the fact that some of the most beautiful creations have been made by people in a very dark place. And regardless of where you are coming from, these moments allow us to grow, create new ideas and opinions, experiment with our likes and dislikes, and simply explore life.

Ask Your Loved Ones

This one may sound silly if you are the type of person who thinks that you are the only person who knows you like you do. (I’m guilty of this, too!) But if you ask your loved ones where they see you at your creative best, you may be surprised to hear what they say. Their outsider’s perspective may be quite eye opening to a creative side that maybe you have not tapped into yet. Take what others say with a grain of salt, always, but it is definitely a great avenue to go down to then self-reflect on!

Be Compassionate Towards Yourself

Say it with me now! You don’t have to do something to the extreme/be the absolute best at it. Do it simply to do it because it brings you joy (as long as it does not intentionally hurt anyone else, of course.) Take your time and being compassionate towards yourself – you do not have to know all of the answers and nor know exactly what you excel in creatively. (Which btw- your creative niche does not always have to be part of your career! But it sure helps if it does.) The greatest part about finding your passions/creative niche is enjoying journey itself. A non-linear, constantly changing journey. So be kind to yourself and take your time enjoying it all.

Last, I would like to say that you do not have to share your creative size with everyone, it can be something private for yourself and your heart only. But if sharing it with others is a passion of yours and makes you feel inspired, freaking do it.

Tips from Others that Inspire me:

Amy TV – Youtube Channel – Amy is an incredibly motivating woman who wants to help provide tools for you to live the life that you want. (Uh, hell yes.) In this video she really opened my eyes to creativity, taking time to let your creative juices flow, and more. (PS- she has an incredible upcoming podcast with similar messages. If that is up your alley, she also has a podcast called Detail Therapy!

Kayln’s Coffee Talk Podcast – Kalyn’s outlook in life and creativity itself seriously inspires me. In her podcast, she shares her personal experiences and translates them into relatable lessons. I for sure have pulled many lessons from her! In this podcast episode, she gives tips on how to find your magic. Just, yes.

Recent posts on Now and Then with Jen –

Thoughts on Self Care

About two years ago I had a huge wakeup call when it came to my mental health, self-awareness, and (to be fairly dramatic) how I lived my life overall. To say that I was living in a bubble is probably the vaguest yet most accurate way to describe it. But deep down what it really felt like was that I was struggling. Every. Single. Day. To do even the simplest things in my everyday routine.

I felt as if I was floating within time and I couldn’t quite connect to any emotion, person, or feeling deeply. At times, I felt numb to all of these things, but overall I was just so goddamn confused. I was not self-aware of myself or of those around me, so many of my relationships were effected by my inability to connect to and understand myself. This was the hardest pill to swallow.

I remember many days I would wake up with immediate anxiety, as if there was a weight on my chest and I could not breathe properly. It got so bad some days that I would almost have anxiety attacks while I was getting ready for work. After I would pull myself together, anxiety would creep back up on my ride to work and I would find myself near to tears. – This is the non-so-glamorous side of life. And it’s. F*cking. Hard. Especially when you can’t understand why you feel a certain way, and then coming to the realization that you may not be loving/caring for yourself in the way you desperately need it. Being brutally honest with yourself in this way is challenging, but it can set you free.

And this is where I started to learn about the importance of self-care.

Self-care is described as the “practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health” according to Oxford Dictionaries.

When I started implementing small self-care acts to my daily routine I noticed major shifts in my overall mood, my thoughts, how I talked to others, how I presented myself to the world, etc. And when I noticed these shifts, I was in awe. I couldn’t help but wonder why I had not started this process sooner? And not only that, but why wasn’t something so simple yet so important not taught to us as a whole?

There are so many incredible people who share their personal remedies for self-care, and although I have personally been inspired by some, I think it is extremely important to acknowledge and be compassionate towards the fact that self-care is going to look different from each person to the next. And from there, it is going to look different from each day to the next. For example, some days myself care is reading a book. Other days it might be catching up with an old friend, another day it might be grabbing a double chicken burrito bowl from El Pollo Loco. Self-care is so individual and personal that it could be anything that rings true to your soul.

One of my favorite ways to implement self-care to my daily routine is by creating a specific morning routine. My ideal morning routine sounds a little like this: wake up early to take care of my skin and teeth, chug water, make coffee, stretch my body/do a bit of yoga, and finish off by journaling anything that comes to mind. I do this until it is time I have to get ready for work and when I close my journal, that is my way of knowing that I showed up for myself and my mental health in at least one way that day.

I found it a bit confusing when I first started to try to listen to what I needed as a form of self-care. But it is all about experimenting and seeing what feels best for you! Below are a few of my suggestions:

Self Care Suggestions: taking a hot bath, journaling, reading a book, taking a walk outside, treating yourself to your favorite food, being active/moving your body, talking to a friend, watching a movie, meditation, trying something new, coloring/art in general, getting outside, baking/cooking, playing a sport, your favorite hobby, etc…. Anything that brings you joy – and not based on others thoughts/perceptions.

So, you find something that rings true to your soul… now what? Now, it’s time to break it down to set it all up for yourself.

Setting It Up:

Check in with yourself. How are you feeling in this moment? Listen carefully to where your thoughts lead to – pay attention.
Be honest with yourself. What you love to do? What brings you the most joy? What is important to you? Are you making enough time for these things on your normal schedule?
Take action. Do something that you love and that feeds your soul. Something that you are doing for you.
Create boundaries. Where time and action come together to form a non-negotiable promise to yourself, for yourself. Self-discipline is badass.
Write it in and prioritize. Find time in your daily schedule to do something for yourself every single day – no matter what it is, as long as it feels good to you (and is not hurting someone else, obvs.)
Be open to change. We are evolving creatures, so our needs may evolve, too. Listen to when you feel a bit stagnant with life and use that as an opportunity to try something new.
Continue to look forward. Self-care is not an over-night fix, but rather a continuous honor to be aware of your needs and overall health.
Above all, be kind to yourself. You are only on this earth once, and deserve to live it in the highest form of love and happiness. Spread it like wildfire, and change the world.

If there is one thing that I have learned through my continuous journey of self-care and self-discovery, it is that there is no right or wrong way to take care of yourself and love yourself, but there is a healthy way. And that everyone’s definition of healthy self-care is going to be different. Starting the journey of self-care and self-discovery can change your life if you let it, so why not give it a try?

What are some of your favorite self-care remedies and or routines? How would you personally describe self-care? What have you learned by implementing self-care into your daily routine? Feel free to leave a comment, I would love to hear more!

Disclaimer:

Everything I share here is from my own personal experience, thoughts, and life. I hope that by sharing my story, I can help someone out there. I have never been clinically diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or other mental disorders/diseases. And I do not take these topics lightly, and if you are struggling yourself in a way that you cannot help yourself, I encourage you to ask for help in any avenue that you feel comfortable. Whether that be a doctor, family member, friend, and/or therapist – you are important, strong, and you are meant to be here and experience a beautiful life.